The Weekly Letter March 4 2012
 

The Weekly Letter -  a potpourri of stories about The Martin Family: family humor, international travel, living abroad and general family fun. Enjoy TWL by Dan Martin

The Martin Family

Sunny Gluon Apples iGrow perfect orchids

switzerland

March 4, 2012 Dear Friends and Family, I trust that you are happy and healthy as Frigid February gives way to Mellow March. Here, March totally ignored the proverbial lion with a lamb-like arrival that ended several weeks of cold weather. Overnight, things changed - for the better. The days got longer and temperatures soared. But winter is never over in Zürich in March. In fact, the Monday forecast calls for snow. For now it’s sunny and when the sun hits the house, Nazy’s orchids bloom. “My orchids always bloom, Dan.” Nazy interrupts. “True,” I replied. “I thought that growing orchids was hard, dear.” “It is hard, Dan. I’m just good at it.” “Right. But, I thought orchids needed plant-ey things like dirt.” “I use wood chips.” “I know. I thought they needed special tropical light.” “I use Swiss sunshine.” “I’m surprised that they are continuously in bloom.” “TLC, Dan.” Nazy (triumphantly concluded. “Don’t let him bother you,” she whispered. “Totally Lucky Concept,” I thought. “Who are you talking to?” I asked. “My orchids,” Nazy thought. “Are you talking to the plants?” Nazy changed the subject: “What do you think about the recent CERN results?” “Smooth, dear,” I replied. “The Large Hadron Collider is alway a conversation starter. Do you know anything about the...” “Of course, Dan. I know that the universe is made of protons, neutrons and electrons.” “You forget morons,” I replied - calling upon my business experience. “You should know.” “Touché. In point of fact, you also forgot gluons.” “Glue-ons? Like stickers?” “Gluons, my dear, are elementary particles that act as gauge bosons for the strong nuclear force.” “I prefer iron-on’s, Dan.” “I love your orchids,” I replied. “Talk to them.” As regular readers know, the technology used to support The Martin Family’s entertainment, computing and communication capability is dominated by Apple. The Weekly Letter is composed on a MacBook Pro, i telephone using my iPhone and i read using iBooks on my iPad. There are associated risks.The proverbial “I” (representing personal Identity) has been lower-cased. I have become i. The latest challenge began when iTunes refused download a book to my iPad. An i-pointment at the Genius Bar in Apple Store on Bahnhofstrasse was needed. Historically, the Genius approach has worked well. They fixed a tea-soaked keyboard and diagnosed a damaged cable. A local concentration of glued-on morons caused their luck to change. “... and, when I download the biography of Eisenhower, the iPad freezes,” I concluded. “That is unusual. It is a software problem.” “A software problem is not unusual,” I thought. “Can you fix it?” “It is a software problem.” “It is Apple software, right? Surely you can fix...” “It is a software problem,” the IQ-less genius repeated. “You can put Ike on your laptop.” “Why should I put General Eisenhower on my laptop? I read on my iPad.” “You can move books from your laptop to your iPad. Direct load doesn’t work because..” “It is a software problem,” I mumbled. “Right.” Back home, Pro that I am, I was able get the Book onto the Mac. (“That’s why they call it a MacBook Pro,” I thought.) But when I connected the iPad to the Mac, Apple wanted to, demanded that I, update my software. “It is a software problem,” I thought. “Perhaps an update will correct the issue.” This ominous decision followed my standard protocol: Do not upgrade something that works, do upgrade broken devices. Eventually, Ike was on my iPad and the world was beautiful. But later, when buying a book, I realized that the upgrade had caused the bookstore to subtly change. Books were priced in Pounds Sterling (₤). “Best Seller” lists reflected London tastes. Searches returned items written in German, Italian, Bulgarian (български) and Magyar. Nevertheless, with skill and persistence, I was able to find something to buy. (I’ve learned from Nazy.) Unexpectedly, disaster struck when Apple asked to confirm my payment method: “Your payment solution is not acceptable in this area. Choose another method.” “That upgrade! I knew it!” I thought. The only ‘other method’ it would accept was “None” which meant that I could not buy anything. Although I’ve spoken with the geniuses, the problem remains. Finally, this week Western Union finally sent an apology for the abysmal ‘service’ showered upon us during our November trip to the USA. It took two (blunt) letters to the CEO: “... please forward this to someone who cares - if you can find such a person.” I was, of course, astonished. Not only did Western Union apologize but... “They sent a MTN (Money Transfer Number). Now we can get reimbursed,” I explained to Nazy. “It won’t work,” Nazy replied reasonably. (No previous MTN worked.) Take Care, Cheers and Happy Birthday to Melika,

Nazy’s Orchid

Lady Slipper Orchid